It can be difficult to bring up the topic of suicide, but in our current environment, it is important to discuss it, especially with young people. Unfortunately, suicide is on the rise among young people and is one of the leading causes of death in teens. Awareness is critical. If you have teens, you may want to discuss it with them so that they are aware of the symptoms, in case they themselves or any friends show any signs.
If you have a friend or loved one whom you are worried about, it is better to express your concern than to stay silent. And if you know someone whose loved one has died by suicide, ignoring their pain can increase their feelings of isolation.
Building Awareness
Learn about the signs that someone may be having suicidal ideation and talk to friends and family about it so that they, too, are aware. Suicidal thoughts may have their roots in genetics, chemical imbalances and physical health, or environment and life experiences, any of which can lead a person to a state of mental illness that leads to thoughts of self-harm and suicide.
Share with others the signs that a person may be considering suicide, which include:
- Anxiety, depression, panic-attacks, anger, hopelessness
- Recent changes in mood, sleep, eating patterns, ability to focus
- Existing mental health problems, such as bipolar disorder
- Expressing thoughts like being a burden to others or feeling trapped
- Specifically stating wanting to die, kill himself/herself, giving up
- Acting recklessly, especially if out of character
- Withdrawing from social events or losing interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Giving things away, saying goodbye to family and friends
- Poor hygiene
- Turning to drugs or alcohol
- Engaging in self-harm
People who are thinking of suicide may mask their feelings well, so you may not see many of these signs. But it’s important for you to be aware of them and to help others build awareness. Young people also need to be aware of symptoms within themselves so that they can reach out for help at the earliest possible stage.
Talking To Someone Who May Be In Crisis
It’s important never to judge a person but to always show empathy. For instance, you may know someone who was bullied and became suicidal, but you know another person (or you, yourself) who had the same experiences and did not become suicidal. It can be tempting to compare the two people’s different responses and judge the first for his or her feelings, but since everyone’s life experiences, environment, health, and genetics are different, it’s critical not to fall into the trap of judgment. Empathy, warmth, and a listening ear are what a person needs at this point.
Pick a private time and place to talk to the person. Start by expressing your concern, using nonjudgmental and empathetic language, for instance, “I’ve been concerned about you lately because I’ve noticed (fill in the blank). I’m here for you and I’d like to help, even if it’s just lending a sympathetic ear.” This may make the person feel more willing to open up, if you express that you’re willing to just listen. It is tempting to try to solve the problem for your loved one, but the feelings probably developed over time and will likely take time to resolve. The first step is to get the person talking and admitting a problem.
As the person shares with you, you may ask gently but clearly, “Have you had any thoughts of hurting yourself or are you feeling suicidal?” It may be scary to use that word, but studies show that for those who are feeling it, they are actually relieved that someone mentioned it and is acknowledging their pain. If the person admits to these thoughts, try to remain calm. Thoughts do not always translate into action. But there are resources to which you can direct the person to get the help he or she really needs.
Listen before offering help and validate the person’s pain. Say things like, “You’ve really been going through so much, and I see how much you have been struggling. Thank you for trusting me with this, and I want you to know that I’m here for you.” We are often tempted to change the person’s mind with statements like, “It’s not as bad as all that!” or “What would we do without you?” but these are not helpful at this point. Right now, the person needs to be heard.
At this point, your friend or loved one may be ready to talk to someone who has training in mental health issues. There are several hotlines available for immediate help, and here in Bucks County, we also have organizations that can provide services. Resources for suicide, mental health, or substance abuse include:
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline (a national organization): Text or call 988 any time, 24/7
- Bucks County Crisis Center at the Lenape Valley Foundation: Call 1-800-499-7455 any time, 24/7 – includes dispatching crisis teams or medical assistance
- Text NAMI to 741741 any time, 24/7
- Call NAMI Bucks County Helpline: 1-866-399-NAMI (6264) from 10am-10pm
- Other mental health hotlines are available HERE
If you are worried that your friend is in immediate danger, call 911.
If the person does not want to talk to you, ask if he or she would prefer talking to someone else. This is another opportunity to mention available resources. Make sure the person knows that you are always available and willing to listen, and try to direct him or her to someone else.
Sensitivity To Those Who Have Lost A Loved One
Those left behind by suicide are devastated by the loss. When talking to them, use respectful and non-stigmatizing terms. Instead of saying “committed suicide,” just say the person died. If necessary, say “died by suicide” or “lost his life to suicide.” This language helps to acknowledge the mental illness and decreases the subtle suggestion that the person was in complete control of his or her faculties at the time of death.
The family members who have lost a loved one to suicide will themselves need help. The resources listed above also have help for family and friends, and you can direct them there. NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) also provides support groups, in person here in Bucks County as well as virtually.
No one needs to be alone. Learn the signs of suicidal thoughts and learn how to reach out so that no one ever feels alone during such a difficult time.
